


Mémoire

by machtaholic (cinderella81)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderella81/pseuds/machtaholic
Summary: Jace wakes up in medical having lost ten years worth of memories.  He struggles to reconcile with all the changes that have occurred and even as the memories start to return still feels like something is still missing.  And why does he feel like he should be seeing that Daylighter more often?
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland
Comments: 2
Kudos: 105





	Mémoire

“Jace? Can you hear me?”

Jace groaned and flinched away from the deep timbre of the man’s voice - it reminded him of his father …

“Jace, don’t move too much - can you open your eyes?”

That voice was better - kinder, sweeter and reminded him of Izzy. Jace groaned again and tried to open his eyes, finally succeeding and blinking to clear the fuzziness and adjust to the lights. When his vision finally cleared, Jace frowned at the man and woman in front of him - they looked familiar, but …

“Alec? Izzy?” Jace asked, then slapped a hand over his mouth. Why was his voice so deep?

“Jace are you okay?”

“What happened?” Jace said, voice muffled by his hand over his mouth. “You are Alec and Izzy, right?”

“We are,” Alec said slowly.

“Why are you two older?” Jace asked.

“Jace,” Izzy said, her tone gentle. “How old are you?”

“Fifteen,” Jace said.

“Well fuck,” Alec muttered.

***

“I warned you this might happen.”

Jace sat up in his med in medical, surrounded by Alec, Izzy and a doctor, listening as everyone talked around him.

“You said he might have some memory loss,” Alec said. “You didn’t say he’d lose the last ten years of his memories.”

“He took a really nasty fall,” the doctor said. “You’re lucky he woke up at all.”

“Will the memories come back?” Izzy asked.

“The brain is an unknown, yet remarkable thing,” the doctor said. “The memories are blocked, not gone. So I suspect it will just be a matter of time.”

“Do I have to stay in medical?” Jace asked, frowning at the sound of his voice - it sounded so strange to him.

“No, you don’t have to stay here. You’re not cleared for missions, partly because you’re not fully healed and, well, for obvious other reasons,” the doctor said. “But you’re well enough you can finish your recovery in your own room.”

“Wherever that is,” Jace muttered.

“We’ll show you,” Izzy said. “You’re not going to be alone in this Jace, swear.”

“Thanks,” Jace said.

“I tried to give everyone a head’s up so you won’t get pestered with questions,” Alec said. “So whenever you’re ready to go -”

“Now,” Jace said, carefully climbing off the bed and shoving his feet into a pair of slippers Izzy had brought him.

“Figured,” Alec said. “Let’s go.”

Jace nodded and let Alec and Izzy stand on either side of him as they made their way from medical to Jace’s room. During their walk, Jace looked around with avid interest - everything looked familiar, but different. Down one corridor, then another and soon the three of them stopped outside what Jace presumed was his room.

“After you,” Izzy said.

Jace opened the door, stepped inside and stopped. 

“Whoa,” Jace whispered. “This is mine?”

“This is yours,” Alec said.

Jace took a few more hesitant steps inside, then stopped again when he saw a full length mirror in the corner of his room; in medical there hadn’t really been any mirrors so Jace hadn’t seen himself. Jace, very aware of Alec and Izzy watching him, carefully made his way across the room to the mirror.

Jace blinked at the face of the man staring back at him - there were features of himself that he could recognize but otherwise the man looking back at Jace was a total stranger.

“Is it weird?” Izzy asked. “I bet it’s weird.”

“It’s really weird,” Jace said. “The last thing I remember is the three of us training at your parents’ house and now I’m suddenly twenty-five and -” Jace cut himself off before he started to cry.

“It’s okay.”

Jace sniffed when he suddenly found himself stuck between both Alec and Izzy in a hug.

“And what’s with my hair?” Jace asked. “It’s all floppy and in my face.”

“It’s a dynamic look,” Izzy said. “It’s normally styled back a bit more.”

“It’s weird,” Jace mumbled. “I don’t like it.”

“Well, let’s not make any rash decisions just yet,” Izzy said.

“Fine,” Jace said. “Everything is different and you two are older and I’m older and I can’t remember things and -”

“It is okay,” Alec said. “I’ll talk to Magnus and he if knows anything that can help and -”

“Who’s Magnus?” Jace asked, frowning when he felt Alec stiffen. “What? Who’s Magnus?” Jace’s frown deepened when Alec stepped back and eyed Jace cautiously.

“Magnus is my boyfriend,” Alec said slowly.

“Your boy - oh,” Jace said. “Ohhhhh.”

“Yeah,” Alec said. “He’s a warlock.”

“A - whoa,” Jace said. “Guess things really changed in ten years, huh?”

“They really did,” Izzy said.

“I’m happy for you, Alec,” Jace said. “Really.”

“Thanks,” Alec said. “I haven’t told Magnus about all this yet - are you okay if I tell him so he can see if he can help?”

“Of course,” Jace said with a nod. “I want the last ten years of my life back just like the rest of you. This all feels totally weird. And, I feel okay with the two of you, but everyone else is just kinda creeping me out and I’d like to hide until this gets fixed.”

“Well hopefully it can be fixed sooner rather than later,” Alec said with a smile. 

“Psh, yeah,” Jace said, shoving his hair out of his face. He was about to ask Alec about any other changes when there was a knock on the door and then some random guy just barged in.

“Hey, medical said Jace got released so I came to -”

“Simon,” Alec said. “Yes, Jace got released but there’s a hiccup.”

Jace instinctively stepped behind Alec, trying to hide from the stranger.

“Hiccup?” Simon asked.

“Who is he?” Jace whispered.

“What’s wrong?” Simon asked.

“Jace is suffering some memory loss,” Alec said.

“How much memory loss?” Simon asked slowly.

“Ten years,” Izzy said.

“Shit,” Simon said. “I can just go ...”

Jace frowned, but stepped out a bit from behind Alec and eyed Simon curiously - he was tall, dark hair, pale skin, stood incredibly still … 

“You’re a vampire!” Jace exclaimed.

“Um, yeah,” Simon said.

“How did you get here? How are you in here? They just let you walk around? And it’s daylight!” Jace said, rubbing a bit at the underside of his right forearm.

“Daylighter so I, um, walked here,” Simon said. “And I’m not a threat. I’m your … friend.”

“Daylighter? Friend?” Jace asked.

“Yeah,” Simon said. 

“I need to sit down,” Jace said, moving to sit on the bench at the end of his bed. “This is a lot to try to digest.”

“Okay, I’m gonna go,” Simon said. “I clearly made things worse.”

“No,” Jace said. “Just give me a second. I need to get used to all this anyway, right? Maybe it’ll help get my memories back.”

“Maybe,” Alec said. “I still want to talk to Magnus.”

“If he’s got a way to fix this, great,” Jace said, then turned to Simon. “How are we friends? How did we meet? Were you a Shadowhunter?”

“No,” Simon said slowly. “Mundane that got pulled into all this because of Clary - but I wouldn’t go back.”

“Who’s Clary?” Jace asked with a frown.

“That is a very long story,” Izzy said. “We can talk about it later.”

“Very long story is kind of an understatement,” Simon said. “But yeah, that’s a later conversation.”

“I’m missing ten years, everything is going to be a long story.” Jace sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Because if my memories don’t come back -”

“They will,” Izzy interrupted.

“If they don’t, I’m going to have to relearn everything,” Jace said, pushing his hair out of his face with a frustrated groan.

“I’m going to go see Magnus now,” Alec said. “Give him the rundown.”

“I’m going to go, too,” Simon said. “Jace, I’m really glad you’re awake.”

“Thanks,” Jace said, rubbing his arm again. He watched Alec and Simon leave, frowning a bit when he saw Simon’s shoulder’s slump a bit, then saw Alec pat him on the back.

“Okay, so do you want to sleep, take a tour, get something to eat?” Izzy asked.

“I think I want to take a nap,” Jace said.

“Okay,” Izzy said. “I’ll leave you be.”

“Iz?” Jace asked softly. “Will you stay?”

“Of course,” Izzy said. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Jace kicked off his slippers and climbed onto his bed, idly rubbing his arm as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

***

A few days later and Jace was still trying to remember things. He’d ventured from his room a few times but then either got lost, or had someone come up and try to talk to him - he’d quickly ended up back in his room.

Or the library.

Which was where Alec found him, hiding at a table in the recesses of the stacks where no one could find him.

“Jace,” Alec said. “I brought Magnus with me.”

Jace peeked around the large tome he’d been reading and looked where Alec stood, noticing the man standing next to Alec.

“Hi,” Jace said, a bit meekly.

“Hello,” the man, presumably Magnus, said in a kind tone. “I was wondering if we could chat and if I could perhaps try a charm or two to see if I can bring your memories back.”

“Okay, um, sure,” Jace said. “Let me just clean up.” He began closing his books and putting away his notes - he was trying to be proactive in case his memories didn’t return.

“Any signs of returning memories?” Magnus asked softly.

“Nothing that I can see,” Alec said. “We’ve had some fun conversations regarding his family.”

“I bet those were interesting,” Magnus said. “You know, he’s kind of cute like this. Bit shy, meek - it’s quite endearing.”

“I’m right here and I can hear you,” Jace said petulantly.

“Apologies,” Magnus said. “Would you be more comfortable back in your room?”

“Yes,” Jace said as he finished gathering his things before moving to stand by Alec.

“Okay, then that’s where we’ll go,” Alec said, putting an arm across Jace’s shoulders.

Jace leaned against Alec a bit as they walked - he and Izzy were really the only constants throughout all this. Jace hummed a bit and rubbed at his forearm as they walked, frowning a bit.

“Sore?” Magnus asked.

“No,” Jace said. “No one will let me train. Even though I could still probably kick their butts.”

“You can train with me,” Alec said. “Sure you’re okay? You keep rubbing your arm.”

“I feel fine,” Jace said, glancing down to the spot on the inside of his right forearm that he kept rubbing. “It feels like something’s there, that’s all. Like an itch or something.”

“Interesting,” Magnus said. 

Jace frowned when Magnus didn’t say anything else. They walked the rest of the way to Jace’s room in silence, although Jace felt like Alec and Magnus were having a full on conversation with their eyes and Jace was pretty sure it was about him. Once they reached Jace’s room, Jace went and set all his stuff down on his desk, organizing everything into neat, tidy piles.

“Okay,” Jace said, turning to Magnus and Alec and frowning when he found them both smiling at him. “What?”

“I forgot about this,” Alec said. “The tidiness.”

“I’m not tidy anymore?” Jace asked.

“Not to this obsessive degree, no,” Alec said. 

“Oh,” Jace said.

“Jace, why do you come sit down,” Magnus said, motioning to the end of Jace’s bed.

Jace moved to sit on the end of the bed and stared up at Magnus and Alec.

“Have you been experiencing any headaches? Weird dreams?” Magnus asked gently.

“Not headaches so much as, like, a pressure,” Jace said. “It feels like there’s something wrapped around my brain, squeezing it. And it feels like my brain is pushing back - does that make sense?”

“It does,” Magnus said. “And the dreams?”

Jace blushed a bit and stared down at his hands, nodding,.

“You don’t have to tell us about them,” Alec said.

“Alexander is right, you don’t,” Magnus said. “See, your memories are there, buried deep in your subconscious, I suspect. I’m trying to gauge the urgency with which your subconscious is trying to push the memories to your conscious.”

Jace took a moment to process what Magnus said, then nodded.

“And?”

“The pressure and the dreams make me think those memories are pretty close to bursting,” Magnus said.

“Would it … hurt?” Jace asked hesitantly. “If they, um, burst?”

“Ten years worth of memories coming back all at once certainly wouldn’t be pleasant,” Magnus said.

“Is there something we can do?” Alec said.

“Maybe,” Magnus said. “I think I can cast a charm that would slowly loosen the memory block. Something like a slow trickle of a faucet. A little at a time to ease the strain and get the memories returning.”

“I’d like that,” Jace said. “Please.”

“I must give you a warning, though,” Magnus said as he rolled up his sleeves. “There is no way of knowing when or how quickly the memories will start returning, or in what order they will return. They will come when they feel they’re ready, whether it be when you’re here in the privacy of your room, or in the library or sparring with Alec.”

“And the memories won’t all be good ones,” Alec added.

“I get the risk,” Jace said. “But I’m going around without ten years of my life and I feel like I’m missing something!” Jace rubbed at the inside of his right forearm and sighed, then jumped a bit when he felt Alec’s hand on his shoulder.

“This is hard for you, I totally get it,” Alec said. “We just wanted you to be aware of the risks.”

“I get it,” Jace said. “And I understand the risks - I’ll take them over ten years’ worth of memories returning all at once and making me head explode.”

“It wouldn’t - nevermind,” Magnus said. “As Alexander said, we just wanted you to be aware of the risks attached to the spell. And now that you know and you agree -”

“I totally agree. Spell me up,” Jace said with a firm nod.

“As you say,” Magnus said with a chuckle. “Please sit still. Alexander, you need to not be touching Jace for this to work.”

“Got it,” Alec said and stepped away from Jace.

“Jace, this will feel a bit strange,” Magnus warned.

“Got it,” Jace said, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a few moments the air around him seemed to cool, then sizzle and then it felt like little tiny pin pricks all over his head and then … nothing.

“You should start to feel a difference in a few moments,” Magnus said.

Almost immediately a few memories returned and Jace grabbed the bench as he tried to get his bearings.

“Jace, are you okay?” Alec asked.

“Y-yeah,” Jace said. “Just feels weird. Alec, you almost got married to … Lydia Branwell?”

“Like I said, the memories won’t necessarily return in order,” Magnus said with a smile. 

“Yeah, I almost did,” Alec said.

“Well it looks like the spell definitely worked,” Magnus said. “Jace, take it easy, as I suspect it will take a couple of weeks for all your memories to return.”

“I will,” Jace said. “And, um, thanks.”

“When Alexander’s Parabatai is happy, then Alexander is happy. And when Alexander is happy, then I am very happy,” Magnus said.

“Ew,” Jace said and made a face. “Too much information.”

“I provided no information,” Magnus said with a smile.

“No, but you implied just enough for Jace to get the hint,” Alec said, then turned and gave Jace a smile. “Wanna spar?”

“Yes,” Jace said. “I want to spar. Now?”

“No, I have a quick meeting and then lunch with Magnus,” Alec said. “So later.”

“Fine,” Jace said, scooting back and flopping down onto the bed. “Leave me here all alone.”

“Such dramatics,” Magnus said. 

“Yep, quintessential Jace at fifteen,” Alec said. “Jace, stop being a drama queen - I’ll be back later.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jace said. “Have fun with your meeting and your boyfriend.”

“I plan to,” Alec said. “See you in a few hours.”

Jace sighed and gave Alec a dramatic wave, grinning when Alec laughed. When the door closed behind Alec and Magnus, Jace curled up a bit on the bed and closed his eyes - maybe just a small nap.

Memory retrieval was hard work.

***

The next week and a half was intense - the proverbial dam had broken and memories started returning. At all hours of the day, whenever they wanted, just like Magnus had warned. Jace could be in the middle of breakfast and suddenly be hit with a memory. Sometimes it was fine, but when they were bad memories, Jace felt like he was reliving it all over again … those were the hard ones.

Finally though, Jace felt like most of his memories had returned. There were still gaps, things he couldn’t quite remember and Jace felt like there was still a big piece missing.

“Have you guys seen Simon?”

Jace glanced up from breakfast as Izzy sat down at the table across from him and Alec.

“Not since that first day after I was released from medical,” Jace said, frowning a bit. Why did that seem strange to him? Why did it feel like he should have seen Simon since then?

“Was he stopping by today?” Alec asked.

“I asked him to stop by to help me with something,” Izzy said.

“Simon,” Alec said.

“Yeah, Simon,” Izzy said.

“No, I mean Simon,” Alec said, pointing to the doorway.

Jace followed Alec’s pointing and saw Simon standing in the doorway. The exact moment Simon spotted them, he gave a bright smile and wave and suddenly Jace was assaulted by a memory. He gasped and closed his eyes, gripping the edge of the table as he remembered the night Simon drank from him. It was like it was happening all over again and Jace felt a tear slide down his cheek as he was overcome with … arousal. Lots of arousal. 

The memory ended and was quickly followed by a slew of memories of Simon and Jace - dates, kisses … other things.

“Jace?”

Alec’s voice seemed far away as the memory washed over Jace.

“Jace?”

That time it was Simon’s voice, loud and clear next to him.

The fog cleared, but the arousal was still there. Jace took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself, then slowly released his grip on the table.

“Are you okay? What did you remember?”

Jace took another deep breath and looked up, meeting Simon’s gaze.

“You,” Jace whispered. “Us.” He reached up and grabbed the front of Simon’s shirt, pulling him in for a kiss. Jace felt Simon hesitate for a moment, then Simon eagerly began returning the kiss.

“Guys, guys!” Alec said. “Wanna take it somewhere else?”

Jace broke the kiss and gave Alec a slightly embarrassed grin.

“Sorry,” Jace said. “Just, um, lots of memories.” He released his hold on Simon’s shirt and stood.

“Izzy, do you still need me?” Simon asked.

“Nah, we can do it another time,” Izzy said. “Go celebrate.”

Jace laughed and gave Alec and Izzy a wave as he practically dragged Simon through the Institute to his room. Once inside, Jace maneuvered Simon over to the bed, giving Simon a shove and sending him sprawling.

“It was so hard,” Simon said as he scooted back and got comfortable on Jace’s bed.

“Is that why you stayed away?” Jace asked, crawling onto the bed and laying on top of Simon.

“You were right there, but you didn’t remember me,” Simon whispered. “Our whole relationship just disappeared.”

“Must have been hard,” Jace murmured, peppering Simon’s face with kisses.

“A bit,” Simon said. “It’s why I stayed away, hoping that the next time I came back you’d have all your memories back.”

“I feel like I should apologize,” Jace whispered, pressing a couple of kisses to Simon’s jaw.

“It’s not your fault,” Simon murmured, arching into Jace’s touch.

“Logically I know that,” Jace replied, sucking at a spot just behind Simon’s ear, humming happily when one of Simon’s hands entrenched itself in Jace’s hair. “That’s good. Missed that.”

“Me too,” Simon murmured. “So, everything back now?”

“Think so,” Jace replied. “Feels complete.”

“Good,” Simon said. 

Jace hummed and tucked his head under Simon’s chin, wrapping his arms around Simon and holding Simon close. Jace hummed when Simon began to gently stroke his hair, sighing softly and closing his eyes.

“Going to nap?” Simon asked.

“Yeah,” Jace murmured. “Just a small one.”

“Okay,” Simon said. “Hey Jace?”

“Hmmm.”

“I love you,” Simon said softly.

“Love you, too.”


End file.
